Thank you for your 586 word comment on my 332 word blog post the other day. You did a masterful job of interpreting the words that I had written, ignoring them, and using my comment section as a place to copy and paste a slew of context-free Bible verses in an attempt to define the magical incantation I need to perform to prevent God from having me tormented for all eternity. I would also like to thank you for your gracious invitation to follow your blog, and invitation I must decline with a heavy heart.
Unfortunately, I found the checklist you left me a little confusing.
THE REQUIREMENTS!I was baptized once as an infant and once as an adult, but this list seems to require a total of nine baptisms. Can I get them all dealt with at once? Like, just get nine ministers in a pool and just go? Or is there a cooldown, like with my Force powers in Star Wars? I would hate to think that I have a minimum amount of time to wait before God is willing to grudgingly etch my name in his Book of Life.
1. Faith: John 3:16
2. Belief and baptism: Mark 16:16
3. Confession and belief: Romans 10:9-10
4. Born of water and Spirit: John 3:5
5. Grace and faith: Ephesians 2:8
6. Buried through baptism: Roman 6:4-5
7. Water baptism: 1 Peter 3:20-21
8. Baptism: Acts 22:16
9. Baptized into Christ: Galatians 3:27
10. Believe: Acts 16:30-31
11. Repentance and baptism: Acts 2:38
12. God's mercy, water baptism, and the Holy Spirit: Titus 3:5
13. Water baptism: Colossians 2:12-13
14. Repentance: Acts 3:19
Anyway, Steve, it's been great chatting with you, but I need to get going because, uh, I think my car is on fire.
PS - I googled your name and was impressed at the sheer number of people you've pissed off by spamming their blogs with your irrelevant comments. Way to go!